Who is a woman? The battle for gender identity in African societies

“What’s your name?” I asked.
“You can call me Mummy Tosin.”
“But what’s your name?” I asked again.
“My name is Mummy Tosin,” she replied, this time wearingly.

Somewhere in Lagos, Nigeria, a simple exchange between me and my neighbour sparked a profound reflection on the intricate relationship between identity, culture, and gender. The seemingly innocuous question, “What’s your name?” led to a revelation about the complex ways in which women’s identities are often defined and constrained by societal expectations.

I have often heard in several conversations, “You are not a man until you leave your father’s house and make something of yourself.” I have also in speech alluded to some of my friends to being men when they make a breakthrough leap in any area of life. Phrases like “Na man, you be” and “You no be man” are popular in the Nigerian lingua franca. While these might look normal, their subconscious meanings are rather heavier than they portray when placed in the same context with the word “woman.” In the same lingua, phrases like “You are not a man, you are a woman” and “stop acting like a woman”. This has somewhat shaped realities around who and what a man and woman are and are meant to be.

The concept of identity for women is rather flawed, I want to believe. Some have argued that this flaw is a self-derived concept driven by the women themselves, and some have argued that patriarchy is the central cause of this enormous fluidity. For me, particularly in many African cultures, I have come to realise that the construction of identity often intersects with deeply ingrained cultural norms and expectations. In many African societies, traditional gender roles assign specific responsibilities to men and women.

Also Read: Do Igbo Men Treat Their Wives as ‘Slaves’? A Look into Patriarchy in the Southeast

A woman’s identity has over time been inextricably linked to her reproductive role and this is not exclusive to Africa. This reproductive role can be seen in societal expectations of women and what is ‘required’ to be a woman. As a further demonstration of this, women are often expected to prioritise domestic duties, childrearing, and agricultural labour, while men are seen as the primary breadwinners and decision-makers.

The truth is that the concept of identity, a complex interplay of self-perception and societal recognition, has been a central theme in sociological and anthropological discourse. However, for women, this connection often becomes blurred, as their identities are frequently subsumed by their marital status, gender, and maternal roles. As mentioned earlier, in many African cultures, a woman’s identity is often defined by her ability to bear children and her husband’s name.

Outside of Africa, in many societies worldwide, women are often judged primarily on their ability to fulfil traditional gender roles and forced to sacrifice their own aspirations and dreams in order to conform to these societal expectations.

A man is remembered by his heritage and his offspring and is considered to live long if he bears a male son. Although this has rather become a universal concept and has played out in almost every part of the world, environment, and society. A king is considered a king only when he has a male son with whom he can pass his kingship. Wars have been fought over women becoming kings, and the title heir will peacefully pass on from a first-born female child to a fifth-born male child if he is the first male child. Although things are changing now and the world is evolving along with certain traditions and customs, a man is considered a woman in certain places until he bears a male child.

Marriage and childbirth often mark significant milestones in a woman’s life. However, these events can also lead to a loss of identity as women’s identities become increasingly intertwined with their marital and maternal roles.

“What is your name?” I asked again, and my neighbour looked lost, knowing fully well that she had said Mummy Tosin twice. Of the truth, I know who Tosin is. Tosin is her first child, so I know she is telling ‘the truth,’ but that was not what I wanted to hear.

“What is your full name, I asked?” She looked at me twice to be sure I understood what I was asking her. Of course I do, my brow knitted to confirm to her I realise what she is saying.

“Atinuke Olaotan, she replied. ” I smiled at her, Atinuke, I said. I think I like that and will call you that more. I left, feeling the heavy gaze of her shocked and confused face lurking at the back of my head. It is quite disrespectful to call a woman by her maiden name, most women would rather you call them by their child’s name believing it adds some sort of respect. But does it? Really?

A change of name automatically occurs because a woman is married and has given birth. A lot of times, many women look forward to this change of name.

Society also often does this for them. After a woman is married, she goes to the press to announce a change of name. The woman adopts the husband’s name and it becomes her new identity. What then is a woman’s identity beyond being a woman? The world already has four billion of them. And now, a group of inhibitors are claiming that sex cannot be defined at birth and a man can announce to be a woman. What then makes a woman a woman? What makes Atinuke Olaitan Atinuke Olaitan if after marriage she changes her name to her husband’s and her role changes? And she wants to be recognised as a mother, ‘mummy Tosin,’ rather than Olaitan or Atinuke?

“The distinguishing character or personality of an individual; what some may refer to as individuality” This is the meaning of identity according to Merriam-Webster dictionary; the idea of individuality. A thing/someone can be identified because it possesses a distinctive quality that makes it so. Therefore, in African society, the name is the first single most powerful form of identity. Children are named considering several factors: issues surrounding their birth, family traditions, parents etc.

The cultural practice of changing a woman’s name upon marriage is a stark example of how societal norms can erode individual identity. By adopting her husband’s name, a woman essentially relinquishes her own identity, becoming a mere extension of his. This can have a significant impact on her self-esteem and sense of agency.

Furthermore, the societal pressure on women to become mothers can be overwhelming. Women who are unable to conceive or bear children may face stigma and discrimination, leading to a loss of identity and self-worth. This is particularly problematic in cultures where motherhood is seen as the ultimate fulfilment for a woman.

There are a plethora of names for those unable to attain this societal pedestrian status. A woman unable to birth a child is called a barren—a label society found suitable to identify these women, boxing them in a category. So if Atinuke Olaitan, as a woman, was unable to bear a child and cannot be called Mummy Tosin, what do we then call her? What’s a woman’s biggest achievement outside of being married and being a mother?

The phenomenon of women’s loss of identity is not exclusive to African cultures. In many societies around the world, women face similar challenges in terms of gender roles, societal expectations, and patriarchal structures. While the specific manifestations of these issues may vary across cultures, the underlying themes of gender inequality and the erosion of women’s identities are universal.

In her 2014 TED Talk, ‘We Should All Be Feminist’, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie spoke on the phenomenon of woman identity in African society “The erasure of women’s identities within patriarchal structures is a pervasive phenomenon across African societies. Marriage and motherhood often serve as signifiers of a woman’s worth, overshadowing her achievements and aspirations. This cultural construct can lead to a loss of agency and a diminished sense of self, as women are forced to conform to traditional gender roles and expectations.”

The loss of identity among women is a complex issue with deep-rooted cultural, social, and historical dimensions. While progress has been made in recent years, there is still a long way to go in terms of challenging these harmful gender stereotypes and empowering women to define their own identities. Women also need to recognise the limitations of traditional gender roles and intentionally promote their own individuality.

While conversations and debates are ongoing on promoting gender equality, women should be valued for who they are, and not just for their roles within the family.