I could never kiss a girl if I tried- Enit’ayanfe Akinsanya highlights the Nigerian queer experience
The Enit’ayanfe Akinsanya I used to know in 2013 in Angola, on the Obafemi Awolowo University’s campus was humble to a fault. To date he is very kind- I remember a meal he cooked for me in our sophomore year. But he never really had a girlfriend as a love interest. We thought he was queer in 200 and then 300 level but we were not sure. We erroneously predicted him to be one of those late bloomers who was never interested in women as much as we, the boys were.
But Akinsanya has now told me, in a Neusroom interview that he could never kiss a girl as he had been gay since age 5.
“Nothing changed. You all just assumed. Or just didn’t notice. Or maybe you were in denial of the obvious, or you couldn’t explain it. I have been gay all my life. I was gay before I came to OAU. I would have said I was a liar, a pretender in Angola.
“I have been gay since I became aware of my body as a sexual and romantic port. That’s as far back as 5,6,7 years old. I’ve always known I am different from the established norm. All my life.”
On Monday September 6, 2021, he released an e-book titled ‘How to Catch a Story That Doesn’t Exist’. The book, according to his Facebook post, details the “vignettes of human life that are excruciatingly undermined, misunderstood and dispossessed. The things that make us human, the things that make us inhuman, the things that scare us deeply, the things that give us courage—you will find them in this book.”
In other words, Akinsanya released a book on his life experiences of being gay in Nigeria as well as the other realities associated with it. The first chapter of the book details a violent battle between two gay lovers which develops into a hot romantic nerve-racking session thereafter. In the book, Akinsanya is very graphic about his characters and all the topics a typical Nigerian queer person would experience – bisexuals, fear of being cheated on, the deliberate maiming of gays (kitto), and more.
The author is not new to this game of weaving words. He has written for Brittle Paper and The Shallow Tales Review.
He received a House of Levite “The Ready Writers” Fellowship in 2016 as an undergraduate. His full-length fiction was a finalist for the National GTB Dusty Manuscript Prize for Fiction in 2018—amongst over 10,000 entries.
He came out fully on Tuesday, August, 18 2020.
“I dropped hints in my family, but they laughed it off. I came out fully on August, 18, 2020. I came out because I was tired of lying to them, tired of disrespecting them with pretense and false acts, tired of doing the contrary of what I am, to myself.
“Tired of all the weights. Most importantly, I came out because I was in love and it suddenly occurred to me that I would have to marry a man and I couldn’t get married without them knowing about it.”
Akinsanya noted that his parents tried to pray him out of the ‘madness’ but it could never work because he couldn’t kiss a girl even if he tried.
“There was a lot of emotional upheaval during that time. To have your son come out to you as gay in Nigeria is something that can stagger any parent on earth. It was the most difficult test for us as a family, to see how strong we are. Tears. Noise. Regrets. Guilt. But we pulled through.”
He details his book as a self-help guide for creating more awareness about the subject. He has boldly owned the G in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/Transvestite, Queer People (LGBTQ) label and takes no offense to be addressed as gay or homosexual.
He adds, “Everything you come across in ‘How to Catch a Story That Doesn’t Exist’ is a true trajectory of what same-sex relationship is like.
“I have been heartbroken. I have crushed on people. I have been in relationships. I have had sex. I have been jealous and manipulative. I know those who have committed suicide out of heartbreak.
“Same-sex partners cheat on each other, choose each other, go on dates, go for shopping, get engaged, get married.”
Life is generally hard living as a gay person in this era but as he told me during our chat, Akinsanya drives strength, bravery, ambitiousness, and humanity for this cause he strongly believes in.
Surviving as a gay in Nigeria
Life is generally hard living as a gay person in this era. Hard for Akinsanya who lives in a nation that has since signed Same-Sex Marriage (Prohibition) Bill (SSMPA) into law. It not only just prohibits marriage between persons of the same sex. It also forbids any cohabitation between same-sex sexual partners and bans any public show of same-sex amorous relationships.
The law stipulates severe punishments between 10 to 14 years in prison for anyone who affiliates, supports or registers gay clubs, societies, and organisations.
Research obtained from the Situation of Sexual and Gender Minorities in Nigeria states that 800 people have suffered human rights violations based on real or perceived sexual orientation and gender identity (Equality Triangle Initiative 16 Oct. 2018). Similarly, the report, quoting the Equality Triangle Initiative said 32 cases of “invasion of privacy”;3 killings; 5 cases of attempted rape and rape; 3 cases of mob violence; 7 cases of torture; 25 cases of forceful eviction; and 48 cases of battery were reported by members of the queer community in 2017.
Another report from the Initiative for Equal Rights revealed that 60% of Nigerians will not accept a family member who is queer. Though its said more Nigerians stance on this matter has changed in recent times. However, two public figures have suffered for attempting to come out for their sexual orientation.
Gay activist, Bisi Alimi stated that it was when pictures of his lover and himself leaked in 2004 that he embraced his orientation more. However after his big reveal on Funmi Iyanda’s New Dawn, his life was under attack, he narrated in an interview with WashingPost.
“That was the first time anyone would do it in Nigeria. It was a very crazy thing to do, I wouldn’t encourage anyone to do it. And immediately after that, my life went into a roller-coaster.
“I was always attacked. I was always beaten. My house got broken into. My show was cut off the following week. So I was going through this very difficult period of my life, until 2007, when I was able to eventually, with the help of a conference in the U.K., get out of Nigeria.”
He said he tried to return again but when he did so, he was arrested and tied up with his boyfriend and beaten.
Nigerian lawyer and founder of A Nasty Boy magazine, Richard Akuson said not even his affluence as a lawyer and politician’s son saved him from the dehumanizing experience that followed.
“But neither the acclaim nor my considerable privilege, as an attorney and son of a politician, could protect me from the four men who brutally ambushed me in my hometown, Akwanga, Nassarawa State, in central Nigeria late last year.
“They accused me of being gay and “spreading a gay agenda,” as they pummeled me; each punch was an assault on who I was. They took my phone, forced me to unlock it, and found further proof of my homosexuality. They poked my anus with sticks in mock penetration.”
Like Alimi, Akuson had to flee to New York in an interview with the CNN.
Till date, more numbers are springing up as bi-sexual, and gays in Nigeria. Some openly declare it on social media. However, Akinsanya drives strength, bravery, ambitiousness, and humanity for this cause he strongly believes in.
