Men, get in here! This is HOW to maintain a successful marriage

Marriage, as they say, is an institution. You learn and relearn, but you never graduate.

Many young marriages in the 21st century keep falling off like a pack of cards, and many have become too scared to embark on the forever journey with their soulmates.

Many, even, have queried if loving someone is worth the stress that comes with it.

Domestic violence continues to persist in homes, with answers on survival tactics needed in marriage being sparse, and unconvincing where available.

Hence, the reason Dr Joe Abah, the Director-General, Bureau of Public Service Reforms, deemed it fit to share tips on what has kept his marriage going for 25 long years.

Dr Abah, however, noted, and warned, that “the tips here won’t work for everyone.”

He began with his advice for men only:

“You see, there’s division of labour in marriage. What she says about the house goes: furniture, curtains, colours, throw pillows, blinds, etc.

“As a man, you only know basic colours. Don’t even argue about the difference between fuscia pink and coral pink or between blue and cobalt.

“If you come home before Madam and the Househelp asks you what you will eat, tell her ‘Let me call Madam and ask her.’

“Tell Madam the party starts at 8pm when it actually starts at 7pm. Be ready at 6:30 pm and offer to help to iron, get her slippers, etc.

“You’d better be SEEN to be ready before your Madam. Don’t go and start watching a match and think ‘I only need 15 minutes to get ready’.

“When you are going out with Madam, always carry at least TWO handkerchiefs. She’ll need at least one. Trust me. I’m a Doctor.

“Although you can pay to have everything done for you, Madam is happy when you fix things yourself: change light bulbs, jump start the car.”

Avoid domestic violence at all costs

The public servant went on to touch on the need for extreme patience and caution in avoiding domestic violence in marriage, particularly from the man.

“NEVER EVER hit your woman,” he said, further stressing that, “NO MATTER THE PROVOCATION! That’s even if she hits you. You’re strong enough to bear it and talk to her later.

“Never be to friendly to her friends. It’s better that they see you as quiet or even aloof, stuck up and distant.

“There’s absolutely no need to prove to your woman that you’re a man. All you need to prove, constantly, is that you love her.

“The fact that you love your kids, which she bore for you, is not the same as showing her love in her own right. Don’t get it twisted.

“Your woman wants you to be hardworking but also to stay with her all day. Deal with it. Come home early occasionally & let her know you did.

“Free her from cooking at least one day a week. I choose Sundays. Make her feel special on Mothers Day and on her birthday. Cook for her.

“Remember that you have left your father and mother (especially your mother!) to cleave to your wife and you two have become one.

“Support your wife’s work. Learn about it. Help her prepare spreadsheets and invoices. Let outsiders know that she’s not alone.

“If she wants to go into business, support her, even if you don’t think it’s a good idea. Don’t doubt her intuition. If it fails, notin spoil.

“If your woman tells you to be careful with one of your friends, be careful. Be VERY careful. Woman have “third eyes” &can read body language.

“Never disagree with your woman in front of the children. NEVER! You can always talk to her later. Always present a United front.

“Women are more particular. Always ask her where she wants to sit in a restaurant and which chair she prefers to sit on.

“She’ll always criticise your driving and tell you “park there” although it’s the only parking space left. Thank her for spotting it.

Shower her with gifts

The importance of little, thoughtful gifts from a man to his woman couldn’t be overemphasized, noted Dr Abah.

He continued:

“You will not believe how many weeks of peace an occasional inexpensive gift that you spent hours choosing will buy you. Thank me later.

“Your woman shouldn’t really be running out of phone credit. I mean really! She shouldn’t even know how it’s done. Only that she always has.

“Even if your woman has millions in her account, give her small cash occasionally and watch her dance in jubilation.

“Whatever financial pressures you have, please remember that food money is a first line charge. No excuses here o abeg, even if she has.

“If you have a good woman, the best way to look after your mother and siblings is through your wife. She’ll add her own money sef.

“Make it obvious you’re ready to lay down your life for your woman.”

He ended the much appreciated thread of advice with a resounding “Good luck” to those who would follow them.