Expensive Funerals: Grieving Nigerian Families Share Tales Of How Losing Their Parents Cost More Than Keeping Them Alive
People in various societies across the world bury their dead in different ways. The Tibet in East Asia cut into pieces the dead body of their loved ones for birds or other animals to devour, in a ritual locals call the ‘sky burial’. The Malagasy people in the Island country of Madagascar exhume bodies every few years, re-wrap them in fresh burial clothes and perform a ritual known as ‘turning of the bones’ where friends and families ‘dance with the dead.’ From the sky burial of Tibet to the more practised cremation by Indian Hindus, these funeral rites appear to demand little financial burden.
In many parts of Nigeria, especially in the southern part of the country, funerals are typified by elaborate ceremonies because the people believe the dead deserve to be honoured with a feast, even if it means taking a loan to do so.
For the Igbos in the southeastern part of Nigeria, the culture of honouring the dead through an elaborate feast perhaps originates from the belief that the dead have gone to become an ancestor, an intercessor between the gods and the living.
To bury the dead in Igboland, the family of the deceased, whether rich or poor, are expected to fulfil a long list issued by the Ama-ala (the elders’ council).
“The length of time, effort and memory spent on burial in traditional society depended on how well the deceased lived, the spiritual purity, the age, social status and the nature of death. All these determine how elaborate or less elaborate any burial was,” Prof Augustine Ndubuise Echema, Catholic Bishop of Aba Diocese, wrote in his book – ‘Igbo Funeral Rites Today: Anthropology and Theological Perspective’.
Unfortunately, there has been a paradigm shift from traditional rites to a materialistic emphasis during burials, irrespective of age or status. Compounded by the high cost of living, inflation, and high unemployment rate in the country, families in the Southeastern part of Nigeria, are beginning to raise an alarm over expensive funeral practices.
For people in the class of Obinna Iyiegbu, chairman of Cubana Group, popularly known as Obi Cubana, whose expensive funeral for his late mother in Oba, Anambra state, in July 2021, attracted criticisms, it may mean nothing to meet the demands of the community before laying his mother to rest. But Chinyere Nwakanma, a 25-year-old serving youth corps member in Delta State and Emeka Nnabugwu, who lost his father during his final year in the university, told Neusroom it is cruel for their respective communities to also expect them to meet exorbitant demands before burying their parents. They believe the system is inequitable and does not allow individuals to cut their coats according to their clothes.
Nwakanma, from a modest family in Oguta, Imo State, had a first-hand experience of the traditional rites involved in burying the dead in Igboland when she lost her 57-year-old mother in June 2022.
“The expenses were just too much for my sisters and me. We bought eight goats to bury my mum as demanded by the tradition,” she lamented.
The price of a goat is between ₦25,000 and ₦70,000.
Like other parts of Igboland, in Oguta, two stages of burials are performed. The first is a Christian burial, where friends, colleagues, and church members are invited and entertained. The second stage of the burial, called Ikwa Ozo is a cultural carnival of a sort where the dead are celebrated by their children, with regards to their various age grades. Ikwa Ozo begins with the presentation of items on a list given to each adult child of the deceased by their age grade. It is usually done after interment, mostly in the evening, and comes with huge financial expenses.
“Burial expenses are much these days. Here in Oguta, we perform two burials, In the second burial, also known as the traditional burial, the various age grades and groups in the community to which we, the children, belong will be entertained,” Nwakanma said.
Emeka Nnabugwu, who lost his father in 2020, recounted the financial challenges he faced in the bid to give his father a befitting burial.
“My dad was 64 when he died. I was devastated. It happened during my final year at the University, and I was struggling with the burial and my final year projects,” he recalled.
It didn’t matter that Nnabugwu was an undergraduate, burial rites must be carried out as required by the tradition of his hometown, Isiala Ngwa in Abia State.
“I’m the first child and first son. Traditionally, I was required to fund the burial. To bury my dad, I was given a list by the Ama-ala (elders council),” he told Neusroom.
Ama-ala is a classical Igbo system of government made of grown men of certified age and status from each family in the community who take decisions, know the laws of the land and enforce them.
Nnabugwu’s expenses began when they told him that he was required by custom to ‘inform’ the brothers of his deceased father that their brother had died.
“You don’t just go to the Ama-ala empty-handed to inform them that their brother is dead,” he said. “There are certain things you are expected to offer them when you call them to break the news officially to them. Then, after officially informing them, the arrangements for the burial begin, and each time you call them to discuss burial dates and progress, you are to offer them ‘kola’.”
This supposed ‘kola’ sometimes requires making provision for wining and dining for about 10 or more members of the elders’ council. Usually, burial arrangements take weeks or even months and include meeting with the elders’ council at least three to four times before the burial. “The expenses on that alone amounted to several thousand,” Nnabugwu said.
But he was just beginning to scratch the surface of the expenses he was to incur to bury his father. Numerating the items on the list, Nnabugwu explained that since his father wasn’t old enough, he was to bury him with three goats, palm wine, kola nut etc., not to mention the entertainment for invitees on the day of the burial.
Nevertheless, Nnabugwu told Neusroom that he decided to bury his father with a cow.
“If in the future I pass my father’s age, my children would be required to first provide a cow for their grandfather, who was buried with a goat, before they can bury me with a cow,” he expanded.
Neusroom’s effort to confirm Nnabugwu’s claim from traditional rulers in Ngwa land was unsuccessful.
With the help of uncles, friends and relatives, Nnabugwu said he was able to raise ₦2 million to bury his father.
“There were rites for the village women and my father’s maternal home. The expenses were just too much,” he lamented.
While Nnabugwu believed that it is tradition and as such should not be called an ‘extortion,’ Uchechukwu Vicent, who lost his father in 2021 and his mother a year later, described the burial rites required by his village, Oba in Anambra State, as “pure extortion.”
“If you know you don’t have money, don’t die. Nowadays, marrying is cheaper than burying your loved one,” Vincent told Neusroom.
“To announce the death of your deceased one, you have to call the Umuanna (elders council), which custom requires you to offer them ‘kola’ to inform them that one of their own had passed on. This kola can include palm wine, beer, kola nut, and soft drinks.”
Notwithstanding, that was just the beginning of expenses for Vicent’s family.
“In my mum’s case, we buried her with two cows. One group will tell you that what they take is melon soup. You have to prepare melon soup for them. Another group will tell you that their own is ukwa. They don’t care if you have money or not. It’s pure extortion,” Vicent lamented.
Expensive Funeral: What happens if the deceased’s children fail to fulfil burial rites?
At the heart of the traditional demands are threats from the elders to the children of the deceased, warning them about the consequences of not meeting the demands.
Eze Richard Ngozi Osuji, the Eze Udo 1 of Eziokele Autonomous Community, in Eziobodo, Owerri West, Imo State, told Neusroom seemingly plausible reasons why families spend a lot of money to bury their dead in Igboland.
“Burying the dead is an age-long tradition in Igboland, but people borrow culture to mix up with what they have. What exists now is not what used to be in the past. For instance, when my father died in 1963, he was not old enough to be buried with Efi Igbo (Igbo cow), but he was buried with seven dogs. In those days, death was celebrated more culturally than the elaborate burials we have today,” the monarch said.
Eze Richard Ngozi, who is also uncle to Kelechi Nwakali, a Nigerian footballer, noted that pride, ego and unhealthy competition make people indulge in expensive funeral practices.
“For instance, when the grandfather of Kelechi Nwakali died, about 15 cows were slaughtered. It wasn’t cultural that such a number of cows must be slaughtered. In their case, they had the money, and they did it. So, It’s just imitations and unhealthy competitions.”
Explaining why lists are issued to the deceased’s family, he said if the person being buried belongs to different societies and groups, it is expected that when going to inform them officially, you have to go with certain things on their list.
On the consequences of not fulfilling the demands of burial rites, Eze Udo 1 insisted that traditional or spiritual repercussions impose no penalties.
“The only thing you take for not fulfilling the expected burial rites is shame. If your father enjoyed other people’s cows while alive, you’d be shamed for not burying him with one,” he said.
Vincent and Nnabugwu, however, disagree with the traditional ruler.
“One of the groups threatened that if we don’t give them their rite, they’ll bring down the canopies,” Vicent said.
Nnabugwu added that “the traditional rulers will not say it as it is. There are physical and spiritual consequences if you fail to fulfil these rites.”
For those who go beyond their means to throw an expensive funeral for their dead, Austin Echema raised some important questions worthy of self-reflection.
“Who receives this glory over the splendour, pomp, and sumptuous display that accompany the deceased from this physical world to the spiritual abode of the ancestors? To what extent can we claim that the alarming population that normally attends funerals today are genuinely attracted out of sympathy for the deceased?
