Homecoming I (May 2025, NY)
After the shocking phone call that I received on May 19, 2025, about Uche’s passing, I stumbled around not knowing what to do or how to process the ensuing grief. It was a few days before my birthday, and I quickly realised that this was going to be a different type of new year ahead of me. After getting in touch with Uche’s siblings, I somehow prayed that the final ceremonies would be held during the weekend of my birthday. I concluded that my 45th birthday was probably already going to be depressing, so it made sense to go through the ceremonies on that weekend.
Realistically, putting together such an event was going to need more time, so I wasn’t surprised when Ope informed me that Uche’s final events were going to be spread across May 29 and 30 in New York. The extra complication was that the choice of dates was not exactly favourable to my schedule. The kids were off to camp from Friday, 30th to Sunday, 1st, and their attendance was dependent on my presence at the camp as a volunteer. How do you make this happen? I decided to take it one step at a time- New York first, and then other things would fall into place.
My presence in New York was going to help make sense of the loss of my childhood best friend. Apart from my personal loss, I realised this moment was also about legacy. Our families had been privileged to be well acquainted over the years, and our parents had worked tirelessly in the service of God and mankind. I was representing all those whom we had known over the years who could not be there.
I got into New York on the afternoon of May 29 and eventually made my way to the funeral home for the wake. On getting in I saw Sheinelle, whom I had not seen since 2015, Olisa and Ada (Uche’s siblings), whom I had not seen since 1993. Right in the front of the room in the funeral home lay the brown, wooden enclosure that held Uche’s mortal remains. At that moment, I thought of the distant past and all the years that had gone by. In 1980, my dad would most likely have been present at Uche’s naming ceremony. In 2007, my dad was at Uche’s wedding. Here I was in 2025 at Uche’s passing. The room was filled with the Ojehs, Osisanyas, members of Sheinelle’s family and friends from all over the world.
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I sat with Mrs Ojeh and we shared stories of Uche’s life. She told me about his dislike for pictures, and I told her that I had a picture of him hiding his face from the camera. I told Mrs Ojeh that I had read all the stories online since his passing, and I told her boldly,”Aunty, Uche’s life did not start in 2007. He lived a whole life before he stepped on these shores.“
The wake was also an opportunity to connect with Emeka, whom I had not seen in 32 years. A lot of emotions were expressed as we realised how we had been apart, and it had taken Uche’s passing to put us in the same room. Clement Ojeh (Uche’s dad) was surrounded by family and other priests of the Anglican communion who came to show him support. What I saw in their faces was a faith that withstood the trials and tribulations of the previous years and did not give up hope in the midst of hopelessness.
At around 7 pm, we made our way out of the venue, and as I walked to the subway, I stumbled on an art show with a display of drawings and sculptures of West African origin. I asked myself – What would Uche do? The answer was obvious – I stepped into the show for a few minutes, took a good look at the art that was on offer and then made my way into the night.
