Clement Ojeh and Big Expressions (80s-90s IBADAN)
There were a couple of Deacons in our church who had English first names. They had names like Meshach, Curtis, Henry, and then there was Clement. Meshach Oguniyi’s family had a grey Volvo station wagon, while Henry Ajagbe had a white 504. Clement Ojeh was the tall, soft-spoken one who drove a red Volvo GLE and parked in front of the Pastorium on Sundays. Most of these deacons spoke with an eloquence that belied the years of education they had acquired in foreign lands.
One of the first times I encountered Uche’s dad was during a church business meeting. The Baptist churches are run by a tripartite combination of the Pastor, deacons and regular members. Unlike other denominations, the deacons held a lot of power since they often outlasted the pastor. A church could choose not to have a pastor, but could not run without the deacons and deaconesses. Major decisions regarding the running of the church were usually brought to the church business meeting. These meetings were held once a month on Wednesdays.
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This was when the clergy and the laity submitted themselves to the processes of America-style democracy by vetting decisions, moving motions and casting votes. Every attendant at the meeting had one vote and could get an opportunity to speak at the microphone before yielding the floor. The speaker before Deacon Ojeh said something that obviously infuriated him, so he asked for the opportunity to respond.
Clement Ojeh got to the microphone and said with a slightly raised voice – “What you are saying is that I came up here to tell the whole church a tissue of lies…” That was my first time hearing that wonderful expression, so I kept on repeating the words in my mind so I could use them later – Tissue of lies, Tissue of lies, Tissue of lies. I didn’t even know what an expression was. In my “primary school mind”, “Tissue” was reserved for the bathroom while “lies” were supposed to send you to hell. What in the world did “tissue” have to do with “lies”? Was the deacon with greying hair complaining that people were telling lies in the bathroom? Why would people tell lies in the bathroom? I had no idea what he was talking about, but that expression stayed with me from then till now.
