New Year resolutions and magical wishes, By Funke Phillips

happy new year clock — Photo: Fightcolorectalcancer.org

By Funke Phillips

Shey you people know that there is a difference between hopeful prayers and magical wishes sha?

You didn’t know there was a difference? Well there is.

I know a lot of us went to church yesterday for the first time in a long time. Just so we could “crossover.”

When I was in the world (hehehehehehe), I used to go to church only on New Year’s Eve by 11.56 p.m. Four minutes later we are in the New Year and we all jump, hug and kiss one another. By 12:04 a.m., I sneak out like a ninja and say a mental “Una bye bye o, see you next on New Year’s Eve.”

Now, I’m no more in the world so I go by 11:30 p.m.

Anyway, my concern is that I hope you understand that the prayers from the pastor are not magical wishes. I’m worried because Nigerians take things too literally. A pastor says “This year you will get married and give birth before June” but you are single. Is that a prayer or a magical wish?

“2016 is your year of breakthrough. Your billions will locate you”. On Monday the 4th, you resign from your job and sit at home waiting for billions to literally come knocking on your day.

“In 2016 your financial helper is coming to get you.” You go to work, give your boss the middle finger then go home to wait for Mark Zuckerberg’s stocks to drop in your account.

Don’t mask your laziness with my pastor said this and that. Your pastor did not say you should be foolish o. That’s why there are a lot of Christians on Facebook typing “amen” upandan to updates that make no logical sense.

I like the concept of faith but please let’s set realistic goals in 2016. There is no hurry in life. Where exactly are you running? Who exactly are you competing with? Nobody…so camdan.

Imagine if a pastor told me “Funke, Nigeria will get the highest number of medals in all the games at the next Olympics.”